Fitzy's Blog Asylum
So my friends it is  time to say Happy New Year… Good bye 2011 hello 2012. In a year that has been  full of destruction, war, tax increases, Fee increases, massive layoffs and my  Evil Elf suit shrinking, it will be nice to try  and start the New Year off right.
 So, all  together now let’s do the Fitzy’s easy 2 step program of ‘How to start the New Year off on  the right foot.
 Step one; take a deep  breath.
  Step two; let it out  before you turn blue and pass out.
 That is pretty much  it, I like to aim small, makes me happy when I can reach my goals. I do have  some resolutions for 2012 and here they are.
* I am Perfect don’t mess with perfection (My wife however may have some  issues with this one)
* Not to wear Plaid pants until the Scottish Band Bay City Rollers  reunites.
 * Less Sarcasm (you  always throw one resolution in that you never intend to  keep).
* Eat less (than a hippo).
* Smoke less Cigars (in the Shower, the soap does a number on my  lighter).
* To join the movement to have Nude Yard work outlawed, I think weed  whacking in the buff is not for the weak hearted, beside it gives me nightmares  thinking of the hedge trimming accidents.
* Be nicer to the wife is a big one this year, especially when she doesn’t  think I am funny… I think she is lying, but hey when you fly too close to the  sun, your wax wings of humor melt a bit and you end up flailing like a wounded  pigeon on the floor. Truth be told she knows I’m funny she just wants me to  spread my Funny somewhere else where she doesn’t have to clean it up… Man one  pudding practical joke mishap and I get marked for life… dam Pudding  Nazi.
I guess all in all I hope you all have a happy, healthy and safe new years and  that 2012 brings you something special (but nothing that requires a penicillin  shot). Do or say 1 thing that you normally wouldn’t… it will surprise you, the  reaction you will get, not that I do that sort of think often, Ha-ha-ha  .
Happy New Year to you!
Hugs and all that happy stuff to you all
You’re Friend (if your check  cleared)
Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired
“No real resolutions were harmed during the reading and construction of this  Blog”

So my friends it is time to say Happy New Year… Good bye 2011 hello 2012. In a year that has been full of destruction, war, tax increases, Fee increases, massive layoffs and my Evil Elf suit shrinking, it will be nice to try and start the New Year off right.

 So, all together now let’s do the Fitzy’s easy 2 step program of ‘How to start the New Year off on the right foot.

 Step one; take a deep breath.

  Step two; let it out before you turn blue and pass out.

 That is pretty much it, I like to aim small, makes me happy when I can reach my goals. I do have some resolutions for 2012 and here they are.

* I am Perfect don’t mess with perfection (My wife however may have some issues with this one)

* Not to wear Plaid pants until the Scottish Band Bay City Rollers reunites.

 * Less Sarcasm (you always throw one resolution in that you never intend to keep).

* Eat less (than a hippo).

* Smoke less Cigars (in the Shower, the soap does a number on my lighter).

* To join the movement to have Nude Yard work outlawed, I think weed whacking in the buff is not for the weak hearted, beside it gives me nightmares thinking of the hedge trimming accidents.

* Be nicer to the wife is a big one this year, especially when she doesn’t think I am funny… I think she is lying, but hey when you fly too close to the sun, your wax wings of humor melt a bit and you end up flailing like a wounded pigeon on the floor. Truth be told she knows I’m funny she just wants me to spread my Funny somewhere else where she doesn’t have to clean it up… Man one pudding practical joke mishap and I get marked for life… dam Pudding Nazi.

I guess all in all I hope you all have a happy, healthy and safe new years and that 2012 brings you something special (but nothing that requires a penicillin shot). Do or say 1 thing that you normally wouldn’t… it will surprise you, the reaction you will get, not that I do that sort of think often, Ha-ha-ha .

Happy New Year to you!

Hugs and all that happy stuff to you all

You’re Friend (if your check cleared)

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

“No real resolutions were harmed during the reading and construction of this Blog”

As the holidays approach us I take fingers to  keyboard to share my poetic side… A Fitzy original… A poem like no other to  share with you my thoughts this holiday season. I call it …"A Catalog  Christmas"Hustle and  bustle,Need to be here, got to get there,Christmas snuck up, it just  isn’t fair.From work to the Gym, Schools to the Stores,Holy shit  Christmas has made me a whore.I can’t be everywhere I’m no  Claus,That’s it you Bastards, I’m getting catalogs.For Bob and Jan,  Aaron and Pat, I’m just not shopping for you and that’s that.So pick a  catalog and fill out the numbers cuz that’s what your getting from this  Ba-Hum-Bugger.It’s a catalog ChristmasI have no free time, now pick  out your gifts, I’m falling behindNow don’t start bitchin’ cuz you know  what your gettin’,at least it will fit, what can I say I’m no Saint  Nick.It’s a catalog Christmas that’s it for me, there will be no  shopping mall this year for me.A Catalog Christmas won’t be a wreck, so  long as I send in the forms and put in a check.Yes, a catalog Christmas  what a great deal saving on time with 2 for 1 deals.it will all fit cuz  you picked it out,It was nice to see you, now get the Hell out.All  my shopping done, how nice to see,I just have time to go shopping for  me!This worked out well, I’m in good cheer,I hope there’s good  catalogs for us next year.It’s a Catalog Christmas, it says right  here,On page 52 to the right of the bear.So Merry Christmas to all  and Happy Cataloging Next Year
As the holidays approach us I take fingers to keyboard to share my poetic side… A Fitzy original… A poem like no other to share with you my thoughts this holiday season. I call it …

"A Catalog Christmas"

Hustle and bustle,
Need to be here, got to get there,
Christmas snuck up, it just isn’t fair.

From work to the Gym, Schools to the Stores,
Holy shit Christmas has made me a whore.

I can’t be everywhere I’m no Claus,
That’s it you Bastards, I’m getting catalogs.

For Bob and Jan, Aaron and Pat, I’m just not shopping for you and that’s that.

So pick a catalog and fill out the numbers cuz that’s what your getting from this Ba-Hum-Bugger.

It’s a catalog Christmas
I have no free time, now pick out your gifts, I’m falling behind

Now don’t start bitchin’ cuz you know what your gettin’,
at least it will fit, what can I say I’m no Saint Nick.

It’s a catalog Christmas that’s it for me, there will be no shopping mall this year for me.

A Catalog Christmas won’t be a wreck, so long as I send in the forms and put in a check.

Yes, a catalog Christmas what a great deal saving on time with 2 for 1 deals.

it will all fit cuz you picked it out,
It was nice to see you, now get the Hell out.

All my shopping done, how nice to see,
I just have time to go shopping for me!

This worked out well, I’m in good cheer,
I hope there’s good catalogs for us next year.

It’s a Catalog Christmas, it says right here,
On page 52 to the right of the bear.

So Merry Christmas to all and Happy Cataloging Next Year

Spook-Tacular : Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble

So Saturday night was the Halloween costume party, the festivities started at noon at the Pre-party located at the “Whitey Dome” We were well on the party train before the real party began.

 When we got to the Party it was all creepy critters on deck, eye of newt and wool of bat were just about everywhere you looked, but most of the costumes consisted of men in drag and Vampires.

 I ‘m not anti vampire, but if you’re going to dress like one at least try and not just use a cape and teeth, use the make-up man!

 As far as the men in women’s clothing goes it is amazing how comfy a slip or a pair of panties can be, especially if you are drinking and there are other guys dressed as the same thing.

 I did not think I was going to go this year, but at the last moment I had to scramble for a costume, and I ultimately went as myself… the worst Dressed Satan ever, but it was easy to put on and take off and the most important thing was when the Snow storm hit I was not freezing my ass off… I had a cape!

  The contest for sexiest costume was bad, due to the fact it came down to 3 costumes, A guy dressed as a Naughty Bride ready for her Honeymoon, a model dressed as a sexy Cat girl and a 1950’s “Pregnant by the Milk man” house wife. Let me tell you it is a sad state of affairs when a pregnant woman wins sexiest costume over a transvestite and a stripper cat girl… UG!

 Sorry folks I don’t follow the whole “pregnant woman are beautiful” crap. She was cute, but stripper cat girl was hot and without casting dispersion on my masculinity Transvestite naughty Bride was even sexier… Ha Ha Ha

  So here are a few shots from the Halloween party for you to enjoy or ignore. Sorry again folks I do not have a great photo of cat girl

P.S. My Costume (the real me) will be put to good use all year long.

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired


 Spook-tacular Halloween Party … I Better wear my Sunday go to Meeting Helmet to help me get through this Monster Bash

Well, let me see do I need and excuse to dress up and act like a fool any more than I do already? Heck No.
 Tonight  there is a major Halloween costume party, and the pre-party starts in a  couple of hours, its only 9 am now…. Holy crap its gonna be a long  day. I hope to have some photos of the party up by Tuesday depending on  hangovers and the lack of bail money …LOL

 Spook-tacular Halloween Party … I Better wear my Sunday go to Meeting Helmet to help me get through this Monster Bash

Well, let me see do I need and excuse to dress up and act like a fool any more than I do already? Heck No.

 Tonight there is a major Halloween costume party, and the pre-party starts in a couple of hours, its only 9 am now…. Holy crap its gonna be a long day. I hope to have some photos of the party up by Tuesday depending on hangovers and the lack of bail money …LOL

Sometimes you can paddle up stream and uphill without any difficulties, You just need a little help from your friends…This photo is of our “Run what you brung’ Race car made out of a Canoe. Let me know if you want to hear and see more about it.

There are Some Days everyone needs a Helmets to get through the day, and today is one of those days

There are Some Days everyone needs a Helmets to get through the day, and today is one of those days

The end of the weekend and no one wanted the watermelon, what a shame!
Yes I understand that there are folks starving in China… well let them buy their own and blow it up.

The end of the weekend and no one wanted the watermelon, what a shame!

Yes I understand that there are folks starving in China… well let them buy their own and blow it up.

September is here friends, that means leaves start to turn, Geese start to  migrate, Gardens start to wither, long summer nights begin to get shorter and  cooler. It also marks the return of every drivers enemy, no not the Ball rolling  into traffic or the occasional Deer, Dog, Cat or Polar Bear (Alaska only)  meandering in the road or the road construction that they seem to only start in  September. I am referring to the Menace of the rush hour traffic … The  School Bus!!I’m sure we have all at one time or another been caught in what  I affectionately like to call “The Bus Loop”, this is when you are caught  between 2 or more school Bus routes and can’t get anywhere.Picture if you  will your off to work, birds are singing, the sky clear and blue, your favorite  song is playing on the radio, the fresh air is lightly seeping in through the  windows, a faint pleasantness covers you and you aura is a pale blue (I am told  that is a good color for an aura), your hitting all the green lights, life at  that particular moment is good. Then all of a sudden you hear the D.J. say  “Welcome to September”, the Radio gets all static, your eyes get all itchy and  you catch a whiff of a foul pungent odor (not unlike my in-laws cooking) its  Diesel fuel, your ears echo with the un-Godly squeal that sends chills up and  down your back, as you shake it off and your eyes clear, you focus on the beast  that has taken up residence in your path, your spine stiffens and your head  drops to your chest … . . That’s right folks school is in session … . .  Behold the Yellow Beast, the vaunted school bus bane of the commuters existence.  That Titanic Yellow smog belching, slow moving, wheel squealing pain in the  “Derrière” has reared it’s ugly head and returned to choke up our rush hour  commuting.Nothing says September like the school bus, your driving, you take  a sip of coffee or soda (tonic) you look up and there it is, red lights flashing  for you and green lights for your torcher. The Marquis de Sade could not have  come up with a better torcher device then the school bus.You come to the end  of your driveway or street you look left and see the evil traffic hog (school  bus), so you turn right to avoid it thinking you are smart, then … the  traffic beast! You get 50 feet and “SLAP” your behind a clone of your enemy and  it has stopped in front of a house, red lights flash and the swinging stop sign  on the front grill signaling the world has to stop and wait for yet another  sleep deprived, unprepared parent to take their time strolling down the walk at  a snails pace escorting their precious bundle of joy (speed-bumps with feet in  some cases) to the waiting bus. Upon which we are now way-laid yet again because  the parent feels the need to engage in a lengthy conversation with the Driver of  the traffic beast as if they were long lost relatives, and then we wait while  the 3 foot tall sack of protoplasm wanders the isle to fine the perfect seat for  themselves. Then and only then do we see the red lights go out the stop sign  swing in and you are off at a turtles pace 100 yards up to the next door … .  . “SERENITY NOW!!”But this is only one sadistic pleasure of the demon school  bus, here are just a few other occurrences that come to fruition in the wake of  the yellow devil transportation device.They love to drive with the yellow  flashers on whether they are stopping or not. At rail road tracks they stop turn  on their lights as if they are signaling the UFO mother-ship, they open the  doors and look to see if a train is coming at them, tell me again why we  taxpayers paid for the rail road track safety lights and train gates? Last but  not least is the cargo they transport, those mini humans, making faces, flipping  you off and sometimes smashing their butts up against the window at the rear (no  pun intended) of the bus, as if you are not annoyed enough they torcher you a  bit more."I Love the smell of Diesel in the Morning"But alas much like  bad stroganoff this too shall pass, in the mean time we endeavor to persevere  while we secretly push pins in our yellow school bus voo doo dolls, and hope  that in the years to come these little people will be able to grow up and be  just as pissy as we are at the Yellow demon transport known as the school bus.  Besides what could be worse? … Oh wait a second, October is coming … make  way for the Leaf peepers ! P.S. Ask me what my wife does for work !

September is here friends, that means leaves start to turn, Geese start to migrate, Gardens start to wither, long summer nights begin to get shorter and cooler. It also marks the return of every drivers enemy, no not the Ball rolling into traffic or the occasional Deer, Dog, Cat or Polar Bear (Alaska only) meandering in the road or the road construction that they seem to only start in September. I am referring to the Menace of the rush hour traffic … The School Bus!!
I’m sure we have all at one time or another been caught in what I affectionately like to call “The Bus Loop”, this is when you are caught between 2 or more school Bus routes and can’t get anywhere.
Picture if you will your off to work, birds are singing, the sky clear and blue, your favorite song is playing on the radio, the fresh air is lightly seeping in through the windows, a faint pleasantness covers you and you aura is a pale blue (I am told that is a good color for an aura), your hitting all the green lights, life at that particular moment is good. Then all of a sudden you hear the D.J. say “Welcome to September”, the Radio gets all static, your eyes get all itchy and you catch a whiff of a foul pungent odor (not unlike my in-laws cooking) its Diesel fuel, your ears echo with the un-Godly squeal that sends chills up and down your back, as you shake it off and your eyes clear, you focus on the beast that has taken up residence in your path, your spine stiffens and your head drops to your chest … . . That’s right folks school is in session … . . Behold the Yellow Beast, the vaunted school bus bane of the commuters existence. That Titanic Yellow smog belching, slow moving, wheel squealing pain in the “Derrière” has reared it’s ugly head and returned to choke up our rush hour commuting.
Nothing says September like the school bus, your driving, you take a sip of coffee or soda (tonic) you look up and there it is, red lights flashing for you and green lights for your torcher. The Marquis de Sade could not have come up with a better torcher device then the school bus.
You come to the end of your driveway or street you look left and see the evil traffic hog (school bus), so you turn right to avoid it thinking you are smart, then … the traffic beast! You get 50 feet and “SLAP” your behind a clone of your enemy and it has stopped in front of a house, red lights flash and the swinging stop sign on the front grill signaling the world has to stop and wait for yet another sleep deprived, unprepared parent to take their time strolling down the walk at a snails pace escorting their precious bundle of joy (speed-bumps with feet in some cases) to the waiting bus. Upon which we are now way-laid yet again because the parent feels the need to engage in a lengthy conversation with the Driver of the traffic beast as if they were long lost relatives, and then we wait while the 3 foot tall sack of protoplasm wanders the isle to fine the perfect seat for themselves. Then and only then do we see the red lights go out the stop sign swing in and you are off at a turtles pace 100 yards up to the next door … . . “SERENITY NOW!!”
But this is only one sadistic pleasure of the demon school bus, here are just a few other occurrences that come to fruition in the wake of the yellow devil transportation device.
They love to drive with the yellow flashers on whether they are stopping or not. At rail road tracks they stop turn on their lights as if they are signaling the UFO mother-ship, they open the doors and look to see if a train is coming at them, tell me again why we taxpayers paid for the rail road track safety lights and train gates? Last but not least is the cargo they transport, those mini humans, making faces, flipping you off and sometimes smashing their butts up against the window at the rear (no pun intended) of the bus, as if you are not annoyed enough they torcher you a bit more.
"I Love the smell of Diesel in the Morning"
But alas much like bad stroganoff this too shall pass, in the mean time we endeavor to persevere while we secretly push pins in our yellow school bus voo doo dolls, and hope that in the years to come these little people will be able to grow up and be just as pissy as we are at the Yellow demon transport known as the school bus. Besides what could be worse? … Oh wait a second, October is coming … make way for the Leaf peepers ! P.S. Ask me what my wife does for work !

Astro-NOTS .  . . Over and Out
 Many things have phased into the history books  some important, some irrelevant and some that should not even  existed.
 Well the NASA Space Shuttle’s have completed  their last 535 million mile flight and have officially blasted off and landed  into the history books after 30 years, 135 shuttle missions and have carried 355  people into space.
 Like many things, the shuttle  missions and the shuttles have come to an end and with that it looks like the  word astronaut may phase out into the books as well. So as we say goodbye to  astronauts do we also say hello to Space tourist? If you are paying attention to  the Russian-Soviet Space program you do. They have been blasting tourists into  space for a bit now, but have since suspended their space tourism missions until  2013. The USA has even bought just over 60 seats  through 2016 on the Soyuz space program so we can get our supplies and personnel  to the international space station.
  So let us take a moment to look back and see what things have vanished  into the history books. I guess we could start with the biggest and most likely  the oldest of all, Dinosaurs, Cavemen, and the Do-Do Bird. If you are looking at  it from another angle it would be, Nauru Jackets, the Mullet hair style,  parachute pants, White bucks (shoes) and Richard Gere’s Sexiness (if there was  any to begin with). Not to exclude Woody Harrelson’s hair and Eddie  Murphy’s talent. 
 There are so many to pick from like the pet  rock, earth shoes and Ronald Reagan. Then there are the things you wish would  fade fast into history, like President Obama, Charlie Sheen, Baggy Pants,  side-ways baseball caps, Rap music and Simon Cowell and his American Idol and X  Factor.
It  would be interesting to hear what things you think should be phased into the  history books, so don’t be shy I don’t bite despite what my family will tell  you.
 For now this is Fitzy saying I’ll  be blasting you … Houston …  Over and  Out!
Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

Astro-NOTS . . . Over and Out

 Many things have phased into the history books some important, some irrelevant and some that should not even existed.

 Well the NASA Space Shuttle’s have completed their last 535 million mile flight and have officially blasted off and landed into the history books after 30 years, 135 shuttle missions and have carried 355 people into space.

 Like many things, the shuttle missions and the shuttles have come to an end and with that it looks like the word astronaut may phase out into the books as well. So as we say goodbye to astronauts do we also say hello to Space tourist? If you are paying attention to the Russian-Soviet Space program you do. They have been blasting tourists into space for a bit now, but have since suspended their space tourism missions until 2013. The USA has even bought just over 60 seats through 2016 on the Soyuz space program so we can get our supplies and personnel to the international space station.

  So let us take a moment to look back and see what things have vanished into the history books. I guess we could start with the biggest and most likely the oldest of all, Dinosaurs, Cavemen, and the Do-Do Bird. If you are looking at it from another angle it would be, Nauru Jackets, the Mullet hair style, parachute pants, White bucks (shoes) and Richard Gere’s Sexiness (if there was any to begin with). Not to exclude Woody Harrelson’s hair and Eddie Murphy’s talent.

 There are so many to pick from like the pet rock, earth shoes and Ronald Reagan. Then there are the things you wish would fade fast into history, like President Obama, Charlie Sheen, Baggy Pants, side-ways baseball caps, Rap music and Simon Cowell and his American Idol and X Factor.

It would be interesting to hear what things you think should be phased into the history books, so don’t be shy I don’t bite despite what my family will tell you.

 For now this is Fitzy saying I’ll be blasting you … Houston  Over and Out!

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired
I  was asked today how I felt about turtles… I have no clue why my sarcasm side  kicked in (like I could have stopped it). I simply turned to her and Said Emily  I love turtles in some hot broth and some oyster crackers on top.
 She gave me this  look of disgust, as I usually get from most woman and men for that matter, but  that is a conversation for another time. She made some comment I did not  completely hear, so I replied Turtle the other white me. She cast another scowl  and she was gone.
 I’m guessing she  likes turtles in a different way than  me…LOL
Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

I was asked today how I felt about turtles… I have no clue why my sarcasm side kicked in (like I could have stopped it). I simply turned to her and Said Emily I love turtles in some hot broth and some oyster crackers on top.

 She gave me this look of disgust, as I usually get from most woman and men for that matter, but that is a conversation for another time. She made some comment I did not completely hear, so I replied Turtle the other white me. She cast another scowl and she was gone.

 I’m guessing she likes turtles in a different way than me…LOL

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

Rules for Jumping on the Bed as an Adult 
 Even an adult should have the desire to jump on a bed once in a while, and when I say adult, the definition would be based on the chronological side and not reflect on maturity of that person’s age.
The fine art of jumping on the bed has many variables and techniques there are also many safety issues involved as you could guess. Here is a crash course in Bed Jumping 101.
 The basic rules are as follows.
·         Remove your Soda/Beverage from the bed tray… before jumping
·         Move the TV or Stereo Remote from the Jump zone.
·         As we get older things are affected by gravity and should not hang, dangle or let stretch any further then it has, so if clothing must be worn please remove pocket knives, pens, pencils, keys, car remotes, black berries, cell-phones and eggs from your pockets, before jumping begins. (jumping is best when unencumbered by clothing, it may not look pretty, but it is more fun)
·         Visual or audio stimulus is best; TV or music goes great with bed jumping. However porn would not be a good source of stimulus to bed jumping due to the fact the wrong areas get stimulated and could create a jumping or landing hazard. If you fall into that category wear safety goggles and remove all jewelry that may get caught up in hair or bouncing appendages.
·         Foot ware; we recommend that bare feet be your choice. No shoes, heals, crocks, flip flops, ice skates, roller blades, snow shoes, cleats or sheet-rocking stilts. You will find that bare feet will feel so nice, and it will cut down on the dirt on the sheets.
·         We do not recommend water beds for jumping on, they are unstable and as you cause a wave you could blow out a knee on your landing. Air mattresses are also not a great idea.
·         If you have a ceiling fan over your bed, please move bed or at the very least turn fan off or you may have a different hair style and be a bit shorter then when you started.
·         Is your bed under a sky light? Open it
·         Do not juggle, or hold on to the following items while jumping; scissors, hatchets, machete, non-declawed cats, cactus and uncooked elbow macaroni.
·         Never invite the following to jump on the bed with you; ex spouse with a grudge and is holding any of the items from the afore mentioned “items not to hold while jumping” and Penguins, they are evil and sloppy and the bed ends up smelling of fish and penguin poop (they are incontinent).
I think that covers the basics of Adult bed jumping, so kick off your foot ware and start jumping.
Note: No penguins, non-declawed cats or uncooked elbow macaroni were harmed in the making of this blog

Rules for Jumping on the Bed as an Adult

 Even an adult should have the desire to jump on a bed once in a while, and when I say adult, the definition would be based on the chronological side and not reflect on maturity of that person’s age.

The fine art of jumping on the bed has many variables and techniques there are also many safety issues involved as you could guess. Here is a crash course in Bed Jumping 101.

 The basic rules are as follows.

·         Remove your Soda/Beverage from the bed tray… before jumping

·         Move the TV or Stereo Remote from the Jump zone.

·         As we get older things are affected by gravity and should not hang, dangle or let stretch any further then it has, so if clothing must be worn please remove pocket knives, pens, pencils, keys, car remotes, black berries, cell-phones and eggs from your pockets, before jumping begins. (jumping is best when unencumbered by clothing, it may not look pretty, but it is more fun)

·         Visual or audio stimulus is best; TV or music goes great with bed jumping. However porn would not be a good source of stimulus to bed jumping due to the fact the wrong areas get stimulated and could create a jumping or landing hazard. If you fall into that category wear safety goggles and remove all jewelry that may get caught up in hair or bouncing appendages.

·         Foot ware; we recommend that bare feet be your choice. No shoes, heals, crocks, flip flops, ice skates, roller blades, snow shoes, cleats or sheet-rocking stilts. You will find that bare feet will feel so nice, and it will cut down on the dirt on the sheets.

·         We do not recommend water beds for jumping on, they are unstable and as you cause a wave you could blow out a knee on your landing. Air mattresses are also not a great idea.

·         If you have a ceiling fan over your bed, please move bed or at the very least turn fan off or you may have a different hair style and be a bit shorter then when you started.

·         Is your bed under a sky light? Open it

·         Do not juggle, or hold on to the following items while jumping; scissors, hatchets, machete, non-declawed cats, cactus and uncooked elbow macaroni.

·         Never invite the following to jump on the bed with you; ex spouse with a grudge and is holding any of the items from the afore mentioned “items not to hold while jumping” and Penguins, they are evil and sloppy and the bed ends up smelling of fish and penguin poop (they are incontinent).

I think that covers the basics of Adult bed jumping, so kick off your foot ware and start jumping.

Note: No penguins, non-declawed cats or uncooked elbow macaroni were harmed in the making of this blog

     …And on the 7th day, the Fad rested 
                                        ~ Or ~ 
                              A Fad takes a holiday
 
 
The Fab 4 is now the Fab 6. No not the original Fab 4 of John, Paul, George and Ringo, the weekly Fab 4 of Manic Monday, Topless Tuesday, Whip them out Wednesday and Thong Thursday.
 The Weekly Fab 4 has now been added to, Flashing Friday and Sexy Saturday have hitched up their wagons and joined the weekly caravan of slang. So what happened to Sunday?  Is that the day the fad takes a holiday?
 It amuses me the acronyms that the days of the week are given just so we feel that the week is moving faster for us and that we get to enjoy the days we like the best.
To show my support for this Fab Fad I will participate by posting a photo showing every day of the week, so for Manic Monday I will be somewhat depressed and EMO, Topless Tuesday I will flash my not so manly chest for the blogging world to see. For Whip them out Wednesday I will ware a coconut bra and let a “Moob” (man boob) accidentally have a wardrobe malfunction, on Thursday I will find a Thong for you to view me in, on Flashing Friday maybe a bath-robe flash for you all. That will lead up to Sexy Saturday and my Semi sexy lounging on the bed in a sexy pose for you all the while trying not to look like a bag of smashed apples. The week photo session will fade out on Sunday with the ending of the Fab 6 Fad… hummm what to wear??? 
Tune in for the accompanying photo to this blog.
P.S. I am aware that Wednesday is also affectionately known as Hump day, but I went with the lesser of two evils, cuz let’s face it you don’t want to see a photo involving Hump day and me…LOL
As always remember keep your feet on the ground and your ankles above them.
Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired
     …And on the 7th day, the Fad rested

                                        ~ Or ~

                              A Fad takes a holiday

 

 

The Fab 4 is now the Fab 6. No not the original Fab 4 of John, Paul, George and Ringo, the weekly Fab 4 of Manic Monday, Topless Tuesday, Whip them out Wednesday and Thong Thursday.

 The Weekly Fab 4 has now been added to, Flashing Friday and Sexy Saturday have hitched up their wagons and joined the weekly caravan of slang. So what happened to Sunday?  Is that the day the fad takes a holiday?

 It amuses me the acronyms that the days of the week are given just so we feel that the week is moving faster for us and that we get to enjoy the days we like the best.

To show my support for this Fab Fad I will participate by posting a photo showing every day of the week, so for Manic Monday I will be somewhat depressed and EMO, Topless Tuesday I will flash my not so manly chest for the blogging world to see. For Whip them out Wednesday I will ware a coconut bra and let a “Moob” (man boob) accidentally have a wardrobe malfunction, on Thursday I will find a Thong for you to view me in, on Flashing Friday maybe a bath-robe flash for you all. That will lead up to Sexy Saturday and my Semi sexy lounging on the bed in a sexy pose for you all the while trying not to look like a bag of smashed apples. The week photo session will fade out on Sunday with the ending of the Fab 6 Fad… hummm what to wear???

Tune in for the accompanying photo to this blog.

P.S. I am aware that Wednesday is also affectionately known as Hump day, but I went with the lesser of two evils, cuz let’s face it you don’t want to see a photo involving Hump day and me…LOL

As always remember keep your feet on the ground and your ankles above them.

Fitzy: Legion of Decency Retired

It’s not E-Bay, The World of Spam, Craig’s List or the Porn sites my wife has to worry about, It’s Farmville !!!! Ask me about my sheep, should not be a common phrase in your marriage, unless of course your a sheep farmer! At least thats what my wife, the self proclaimed Farmville widow has told me.Just when you thought you had enough to do in your life, Facebook’s Farmville grabs you, and the next thing you know your a clod stompin, dirt diggin, goat milkin addict, screaming YEE-Haw at your computer screen!So heres the cliff notes version of the Farmville World! Farmville is a game application for one of the post popular (for now) internet socializing sites, Facebook. Armed with your mighty hoe and a handful of seeds, you toil and work your mouse, clicking fingers to the bone, building your psudo farm. You harvest and grow a multitude of crops, then comes the livestock , cows,ducks,chickens,horses and sheep among others(except those evil penquins).I myself have amassed quite the menargery of bovine, equestrian delights, as well as my Farmville friends (or enimies, depending on how you look at it) Thinking I need yet even more sheep (insert sick joke here)I have been farming just about a week now, and I can’t stop!It used to be I would come home, throw Hello at the wife, check the regular mail, the email, the newsfeeds, Myspace and Face book updates to see whats been going on in the world at large, as well as whats new in my little chunk of the world. But now, I get home and make the mad dash to my computer, ignoring wife, mail, email and all other “real” matters that require my attention, just so I can harvest my imaginary crops from my imaginary farm before they turn to (yup, you guessed it) imaginary dust from neglect(due to the fact that I have no access to Farmville at work (corporate bastards!) I then plant, milk cows and goats, collect fur and feathers from a virtual cornicopia of psudo animals, including some cats that give yams(don’t ask) and pigs that give truffles. I sell them at market and then do it all over again. Its slow, its simple and yet Facebook dweebs, dorks and geeks are in a Farmville trance. It has gotten so bad, that its what I think about at work all day, what am I going to plant and how long will it take to grow. In between crops and livestock you can earn cash and experience points by decorating your farm and helping others, by chasing foxes, racoons crows and gophers off their farms. Your in a world all of your own in      Farmville, and between us, I have named all of my sheep! (insert even sicker joke here)I wish I had a great end to this blog, but I am on level 19 and I have an entire crop of pumpkins that need to be harvested, and then Kerry Ann’s farm has gophers to chase off, Lynnie’s farm has crows to be chased, Lewis has some weeds to pick and Christin needs help with foxes.A psudo farmers work is never done !!! Green Acres here I come !!!P.S. Next up Mafia Wars, Cafe World or maybe Vampire Wars….An addicts life is a full one !!!

It’s not E-Bay, The World of Spam, Craig’s List or the Porn sites my wife has to worry about, It’s Farmville !!!! Ask me about my sheep, should not be a common phrase in your marriage, unless of course your a sheep farmer! At least thats what my wife, the self proclaimed Farmville widow has told me.
Just when you thought you had enough to do in your life, Facebook’s Farmville grabs you, and the next thing you know your a clod stompin, dirt diggin, goat milkin addict, screaming YEE-Haw at your computer screen!
So heres the cliff notes version of the Farmville World! Farmville is a game application for one of the post popular (for now) internet socializing sites, Facebook. Armed with your mighty hoe and a handful of seeds, you toil and work your mouse, clicking fingers to the bone, building your psudo farm. You harvest and grow a multitude of crops, then comes the livestock , cows,ducks,chickens,horses and sheep among others(except those evil penquins).
I myself have amassed quite the menargery of bovine, equestrian delights, as well as my Farmville friends (or enimies, depending on how you look at it) Thinking I need yet even more sheep (insert sick joke here)I have been farming just about a week now, and I can’t stop!
It used to be I would come home, throw Hello at the wife, check the regular mail, the email, the newsfeeds, Myspace and Face book updates to see whats been going on in the world at large, as well as whats new in my little chunk of the world. But now, I get home and make the mad dash to my computer, ignoring wife, mail, email and all other “real” matters that require my attention, just so I can harvest my imaginary crops from my imaginary farm before they turn to (yup, you guessed it) imaginary dust from neglect(due to the fact that I have no access to Farmville at work (corporate bastards!) I then plant, milk cows and goats, collect fur and feathers from a virtual cornicopia of psudo animals, including some cats that give yams(don’t ask) and pigs that give truffles. I sell them at market and then do it all over again.
 Its slow, its simple and yet Facebook dweebs, dorks and geeks are in a Farmville trance. It has gotten so bad, that its what I think about at work all day, what am I going to plant and how long will it take to grow. In between crops and livestock you can earn cash and experience points by decorating your farm and helping others, by chasing foxes, racoons crows and gophers off their farms. Your in a world all of your own in      Farmville, and between us, I have named all of my sheep! (insert even sicker joke here)
I wish I had a great end to this blog, but I am on level 19 and I have an entire crop of pumpkins that need to be harvested, and then Kerry Ann’s farm has gophers to chase off, Lynnie’s farm has crows to be chased, Lewis has some weeds to pick and Christin needs help with foxes.
A psudo farmers work is never done !!! Green Acres here I come !!!

P.S. Next up Mafia Wars, Cafe World or maybe Vampire Wars….An addicts life is a full one !!!

Out of Touch and Out of time
We interrupt our regularly scheduled silly nonsensical blog for a venting of real annoyance.Being a product of the early 1960’s I sometimes feel out of touch with some of the Fads or technology used by the teenagers today, but even more today as I read an Associated Press article in the newspaper about a DNA test for a 13 year old boy who has said he is the father of his 15 year old girlfriends baby.This is just insane to me and it makes me wonder if I’m just on the threshold of staying current and slipping into out of touch-ville or have I already become an Analog signal in a Digital world?Call me old, out of touch, over the hill, yesterdays child„ not relevant or whatever “fossilized” term you would like to come up with, but I find it disturbing when a 13 year old needs a paternity test, not to find his father, but to find out IF he is a father and we just accept this and are not taken a-back about it as if this is the way it is now.When I was 13 I was playing sports, watching cartoons and just beginning to notice girls, Hell getting to first base was a big deal then. Maybe it’s a sign of the times. What were you doing when you were 13?More at 11 …………………………………..Good News for Egg lovers!

Out of Touch and Out of time


We interrupt our regularly scheduled silly nonsensical blog for a venting of real annoyance.
Being a product of the early 1960’s I sometimes feel out of touch with some of the Fads or technology used by the teenagers today, but even more today as I read an Associated Press article in the newspaper about a DNA test for a 13 year old boy who has said he is the father of his 15 year old girlfriends baby.
This is just insane to me and it makes me wonder if I’m just on the threshold of staying current and slipping into out of touch-ville or have I already become an Analog signal in a Digital world?
Call me old, out of touch, over the hill, yesterdays child„ not relevant or whatever “fossilized” term you would like to come up with, but I find it disturbing when a 13 year old needs a paternity test, not to find his father, but to find out IF he is a father and we just accept this and are not taken a-back about it as if this is the way it is now.
When I was 13 I was playing sports, watching cartoons and just beginning to notice girls, Hell getting to first base was a big deal then. Maybe it’s a sign of the times. What were you doing when you were 13?
More at 11 …………………………………..Good News for Egg lovers!

One Cows flatulence is another man’s cash-cowI’ll take stupid things to spend money on, Alex …… And the answer is … $590.000.00 …That would be, what is Stockholm Sweden spending on measuring cows burps and farts? … AlexThat’s correct people somehow some “stoner” of a researcher has conned an entire country into giving him $590.000.00 to measure Bovine’s gas and it’s effects on … wait for it, …drum roll please … the Global Warming problem. What a cash-cow this guy fell into.We folks in Massachusetts can’t find the funds to repair the bridges and Overpasses that are falling in on us, in some communities across the United States there is not enough money to pay Police and Firemen, The President wants to give citizens checks from the government to stimulate the economy, we have the Writers guild out on strike because they want more money, but somewhere, somehow, someone came up with $590.000.00 to measure farts and burps of cows, talk about stepping in it and coming up smelling like a rose!Correct me if I am wrong, but haven’t cows burped and farted since, Oh I don’t know … They have existed? In fact has not every living thing animal and human alike been passing gas since the dawn of time the same two ways? Oh I get it, the one thing we (regretfully) can not pin on George W. Bush, we blame on the next dumbest thing, the Cow!So what does $590.000.00 break down to per gallon, I mean how much Bovine gas can you purchase for that kind of cash? Do you think Dinosaurs set off the beginning of global warming, because lets face facts those big bastards must have had some serious gas! Is there a reason that scientists are not blaming Evolution for global warming? I mean we are still coming out of an ice age and I hear that it takes millions of years to come out of it and then it get really warm.Not that $590.000.00 is a whole heap of mullah, in the grand financial scheme Of things, but then again who am I to judge how they [Sweden] flush their currency of the realm down the proverbial toilet, but do we really feel the need to report such a thing? Just take the money, do the tests and bore, I mean regale us with the results when you gas gathering, fart smelling, burp measurers are done. Thanks Associated Press for alerting us to this one.I guess I should not make a big stink about it, I should congratulate the brain storming fart smeller that came up with this research idea, but then again who am I to judge how they [Sweden] flush their currency of the realm down the proverbial toilet? By the way here is a fun fact 95% of a Bovine’s methane gas comes out their mouth.I imagine that this is the Cows way of getting the last laugh on us for centuries of eating their flesh, use of their skins, hooves, milk and let us not forget the whole Bull-fighting thing. So now the cows get a little pay back because some jack-ass is going to have to measure their belching and ass gas for years to come out ultimately with inconclusive conclusions and data. What’s next paying wino’s millions of dollars to tell the effects of wetting ones pants over and over again on their 501 blue jeans stolen from the back of the GAP dumpster?

One Cows flatulence is another man’s cash-cow

I’ll take stupid things to spend money on, Alex …
… And the answer is … $590.000.00 …
That would be, what is Stockholm Sweden spending on measuring cows burps and farts? … Alex
That’s correct people somehow some “stoner” of a researcher has conned an entire country into giving him $590.000.00 to measure Bovine’s gas and it’s effects on … wait for it, …drum roll please … the Global Warming problem. What a cash-cow this guy fell into.
We folks in Massachusetts can’t find the funds to repair the bridges and Overpasses that are falling in on us, in some communities across the United States there is not enough money to pay Police and Firemen, The President wants to give citizens checks from the government to stimulate the economy, we have the Writers guild out on strike because they want more money, but somewhere, somehow, someone came up with $590.000.00 to measure farts and burps of cows, talk about stepping in it and coming up smelling like a rose!
Correct me if I am wrong, but haven’t cows burped and farted since, Oh I don’t know … They have existed? In fact has not every living thing animal and human alike been passing gas since the dawn of time the same two ways? Oh I get it, the one thing we (regretfully) can not pin on George W. Bush, we blame on the next dumbest thing, the Cow!
So what does $590.000.00 break down to per gallon, I mean how much Bovine gas can you purchase for that kind of cash? Do you think Dinosaurs set off the beginning of global warming, because lets face facts those big bastards must have had some serious gas! Is there a reason that scientists are not blaming Evolution for global warming? I mean we are still coming out of an ice age and I hear that it takes millions of years to come out of it and then it get really warm.
Not that $590.000.00 is a whole heap of mullah, in the grand financial scheme Of things, but then again who am I to judge how they [Sweden] flush their currency of the realm down the proverbial toilet, but do we really feel the need to report such a thing? Just take the money, do the tests and bore, I mean regale us with the results when you gas gathering, fart smelling, burp measurers are done. Thanks Associated Press for alerting us to this one.
I guess I should not make a big stink about it, I should congratulate the brain storming fart smeller that came up with this research idea, but then again who am I to judge how they [Sweden] flush their currency of the realm down the proverbial toilet? By the way here is a fun fact 95% of a Bovine’s methane gas comes out their mouth.
I imagine that this is the Cows way of getting the last laugh on us for centuries of eating their flesh, use of their skins, hooves, milk and let us not forget the whole Bull-fighting thing. So now the cows get a little pay back because some jack-ass is going to have to measure their belching and ass gas for years to come out ultimately with inconclusive conclusions and data. What’s next paying wino’s millions of dollars to tell the effects of wetting ones pants over and over again on their 501 blue jeans stolen from the back of the GAP dumpster?